Life with Dogs: The Choosing and the Choice

Long ago my husband and I discussed having a dog. I wanted to be logical and reasonable and wait till we were in a house with a yard. This was very practical and a bit controlling on my part. My husband wanted to look at a few dogs here and there. We met some beautiful breeds, but if the dog wasn’t good with cats or was destructive in its foster home, I gently talked my husband out of it. I didn’t feel it was time, and I didn’t want to make that choice–yet.

We also have a history with tithing–sharing intentional random gifts of kindness, money, beauty, and energy with the world. We believe it keeps us from being selfish and it keeps an energy of blessings moving in the world. We have often tithed with money and time at animal shelters and rescues. On one of these Shelter tithing occasions, I was not brave enough to go and walk the row. My husband, thank God, was able to. He came home and said, “Honey, I found our dog!” I heard something in his voice and in his words. This wasn’t a selfish man “I want”; this was my first hint that a “choosing” happened. When I looked at my husband and asked, “Are you as sure about this dog as you were about me?, he answered, “Yes! I knew you would understand!” And so, off to the shelter we went.

The shelter was loud and there were so many dogs. I was overwhelmed. But as my eyes followed my husband’s path, I saw a litter of black puppies with one staring at him and then looking at me when he looked back to see if I was close. I knew she was the one and felt possibility. I tried asking about how big she would get. I tried to be logical. Choosing a dog should be about the logic, the responsibility, and knowing that this is a lifelong commitment. It is also about magic and knowing. My husband had been chosen and now the question was–could we live up to the choice?

I said “yes.” The shelter director said, “No.” My husband was crushed. I asked to speak to the director. Now, years later and after a long decade deep into animal rescue, I know why she said no. We were Graduate students, a young couple, in an apartment and without a fence. We looked like goofballs who might be a little too transient to keep our commitment. Back then, I constructed an argument based on what I knew and what experience I had. I shared we would continue to tithe at the shelter whether we were allowed to have this puppy or not. I shared that I grew up with two Siamese cats who were family and lived to be 18. I explained that my husband had chosen two cats while he was single and that they were now OUR cats! Litter boxes and care were OUR responsibility! I looked her in the eye and shared that she was right, I didn’t know enough about dogs–yet! I told her I would research, find a dog trainer, and meet her stipulations for the adoption. I told her this dog would be family!

I watched her stare off into space for several moments. She probably thought about the little puppy without much of a chance and that she would have some time with a family. She made a list of requirements, and we set about meeting every single one. Once I spoke with the landlord, paid additional fees, found a vet, quickly arranged for a fence, and met every item on her list–then I was told that my baby who was 8 -9 weeks old had to be spayed before I could have her. I called 5 vets who all said this was a bad idea. I wore the director down and promised to spay our new family member when she was 6 months old. Finally, we brought our lab/shar pei mix puppy home!

So, we had the choosing. Rowan chose Greg. Greg chose back and invited me in to make the choice. The choice is about more than the magic. The choice is about creating a home, communication, care, and a long-term commitment to family. Dogs should not be chosen based only on “I want.” We are responsible for continuing to choose them.

Over the years, other dogs have chosen us. Some had problems we could heal. Others healed throughout their time with us. I think they have each taught us and healed us–even more than we could heal them. Somehow, they have each made us better! I so want to be the person my dogs see!

Relationships aren’t easy. The choosing and the choice can be tested. Sometimes we may even wonder if we are enough and if we can live up to the choice. Maybe that is what this blog will really be about–Am I enough in the most recent choice?

Recently, two dogs ran up to us in our yard. We were doing yard work out in the country. They seemed friendly and tired. At the end of the day, they didn’t try to leave. We are close enough to a busy road, we decided to put them in a room to keep them safe for the night. We reached out on social media that night and started calling vets and rescues the next morning. We were certain someone must be missing these pretty, sweet babies who still had such soft puppy paws. We guessed they were about 8-10 months old and she was in her first heat cycle. We figured they had escaped their fence.

We were wrong. The dogs had been dumped at a church. One contact had seen the dumping. Another contact said the dogs had been strays around a church for about two weeks. I reached out to rescue. We had two dogs and four cats and I wasn’t planning on growing the pack. These stray dogs had been on their own and had probably had to hunt. I really didn’t want my cats to face that since two of them were about 20 years old.

I did some basic temperament testing. Rescue had taught me a bit about that. The dogs were not aggressive with us. They were not food aggressive. They gave confused signals when they could see another dog on leash or through a fence. They were way too hyper when they saw a cat. I also noticed that they were a bonded pair. They always looked to each other, constantly touched, and vocalized anxiety and screamed if I took one out on a leash and not the other.

I shared my knowledge with rescues in the area. Rescues were full. No one would take them as a bonded pair because it is too difficult to find a household that can take two. And I do understand that. These two dogs are large, muscular, powerful, loud puppies who came to us with no training or socialization. As I agonized over the plight of these two big puppies, my husband watched quietly. I talked about wanting the babies to stay together, have a fenced yard, and get into obedience training quickly. I started teaching sit to help them find a home. And then my husband answered my standing query about what he wanted for Christmas. He said, “I have two requests for Christmas: slippers, and these puppies.” I’m certain I had a heavy sigh in there. I asked him if he understood it would take at least a year to integrate the household. He smiled and said, “this will be a great project and adventure! These dogs need a break and we have a household that can give them what they need.” The CHOICE! Would I answer the choosing? I took a breath and asked myself if I could do this. I wasn’t sure I had all that these guys needed. My life can be busy and complicated. I also knew that if I didn’t find these two the right kind of household, I would be haunted.

My husband got two pairs of slippers and two dogs for Christmas. These were not fluffies in a box for a quick joy over the holiday. We knew what all dog families eventually learn–we are choosing a messy life full of joy, dog hair, paw prints on our pants, and the indelible mark of paw prints on our hearts. Now, we work to be worthy of the choosing and to make the choice–every single day.